Lacie

2022 was a hard year. Many challenges, struggles, heartache, and change happened. Quite a few lessons were learned. There were more days than I care to count that I would find myself questioning God and His plan for my life.

Why was He taking me through a storm?

Why was I losing the things I thought meant the most?

Was I truly the right soldier for the battles He had me fighting?

Were the ones in my life truly there for the right reasons?

Was I truly making a difference while battling anxiety?

Even facing some questions not being answered, I trusted the Lord and His path for my life.

As you may or may not know, Nick and I lived apart for the entire year while he worked in Michigan. Without going into detail, this was one of the hardest challenges our marriage has faced. Lots of tears, nights alone, and questioning came from not being together. I found myself losing faith and trying to fight a battle that was not mine to fight. I said things and reacted to certain situations that I am ashamed to admit. But one thing is for sure, this season of life taught me a very important lesson. Communication, faith, and prayer can resolve any issue that we face. I am thankful not only for a forgiving God but a forgiving husband.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in 2022 was to never allow anybody to make you cruel. No matter how badly someone treats you, the awful things they say to or about you, or how much you want to give them a dose of their own medicine, it is never worth losing yourself. Life and circumstances will quickly reveal what tables saved a seat for you. Not everyone is going to be in your life forever. Some are there for a season and others for a reason. It is ok to walk away from people or situations that make you feel hard to love or make you feel unwelcome. For every door closed, God has another one ready to open. I read a quote the other day that was a complete eye opener for me. ” Learn to love the sound of your feet walking away from things not meant for you. ” – Unknown. Respect your boundaries. You cannot be everything to everybody and nothing to yourself.

We all have a tendency to let other people’s opinions, posts, and words define who we are, our self-worth, and what they think we should be doing with our life. But thank goodness the man on the middle cross doesn’t judge and reminds us of our self-worth and His path is always the path best for our life.

May we all be humble and remember where our salvation comes from. If we all (myself included) worried more about washing feet instead of casting stones, how much better the world would be? At the end of the day if we all put our stuff in a pot, who then would be picking up stones? I am the first to admit being guilty of casting stones at times when I lived in a glass house. But I thank God daily for being a sovereign and merciful God who humbles and reminds me of my own humility.

My 2023 goals:

Let the One who created me be the One who defines me.

Worship when God makes me wait.

Live like Ruth.

Don’t look back except to see how far I have come.

“He must increase, I must decrease.” John 3:30

Accept my imperfections.

Be present.

If they want to leave… let them.

No matter how big my struggle or battle, He was, is, and always will be a chain breaker!

Happy New Year! 

Sweatshirt: Raising Royals Boutique

2021 ended with incredibly happy memories and incredibly sad ones. The beginning of the year brought our family so much happiness when we welcomed our sweet Addleigh Elaine but a brief time after, I was walking through one of the hardest times I have ever faced with my faith.

If you know me well, you know my best friend, Kelli. She is the Thelma to my Louise, the salt to my pepper, the adventure to my cautious. We have experienced so much over the last nine years. I have always said Kelli is more like a sister than a friend. She is honest, funny, hardworking, the best aunt to my children, and the best friend I have ever had. There are so many good things I could say about her but this last year the best word I can use for her is courageous.

May 2021 started what would become one of the hardest walks of faith for me as a friend. Kelli’s precious momma had surgery that turned into a test of
faith. A surgery we prayed about for months in preparation for what was to come. Prayers for a smooth surgery, God’s hand on all the medical staff, and a quick recovery for our precious LeLe. For five months I watched Kelli fight fearlessly to save her mom.

What I did not know, was God had a huge lesson for me during this process. For five months, Kelli and I talked everyday (multiple times a day), researched, stayed up reading medical books, formed a prayer group, prayed, cried, fell to our knees, and begged God’s mercy. Alongside an army of support warriors, I saw God in every step of those five months.

The entire process I prayed to God for healing. Begged would be a better term. Psalm twenty-three became an especially important verse during this journey.
Kelli placed a Bible on her momma’s bed opened to this verse and constantly read it to her while she was in the hospital. I did not realize, when I drove to Emory October 5, that it would be the last time I would see Momma Leda.

For nine years Momma Leda loved my family like we were her own. She treated my babies like they were hers, supported me during tough times, celebrated any
victories I had, and prayed over my and Kelli’s friendship faithfully. Her demeanor was that of a saint. Soft spoken, loving, and always smiling. I will forever be grateful for October 5th. I got to love on her, tell her how much she meant to everyone, pray over her, and watch Kelli care for her. I watched my best friend become the most selfless person I had ever seen. I watched her find strength she did not know existed. There are no words to express how proud I am of the way Kelli walked through this experience. That night Mrs. Leda squeezed my hand and mouthed for me to take care of Kelli. The promise I made to her will be a promise I will never give up on. The importance of that
promise is something I will keep with me forever.

October 10th, God healed momma Leda. It was our prayer the entire time. The realization was God healed her, but not the way we wanted. Standing by my
aunt’s side as she was getting married, God healed her. God had me standing in a happy time and a sad time at the exact same time. With tears streaming down
my face, I realized, even in the storm, we have to give God the glory.

That is the thing about faith. We must keep our faith in God no matter the outcome. We must trust that His way is always the best way. Sometimes our prayers are answered, but it may not be on our terms or how we want them to be answered. Realizing heartache and pain are sometimes a part of the unforeseen path of our lives is a hard concept to accept.

Isaiah 43:2 says, ” When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” I utterly understand the meaning of this verse after being on this walk with Kelli. I will forever be grateful God chose me to be by Kelli’s side
during this time. Not only was He teaching me a lesson, but He also drew me closer to Him, and taught me what it truly means to rely on His promises.

2021: The year God would put all His lessons and preparations into action.

I have not written in a while due to life and its never-ending changes. I have taken the last several months to pause and reflect on life and all I have been given. A few things the past year has taught me: stop and live for the moment, check in on your friends, and never take one second for granted.

During the last couple of months, I have seen and lived various circumstances I never dreamed of living. Overcame a lot of adversity and uncertainty. But one thing remains the same…. God is still on His throne and still in control.

-My faith was personally tested to the max.

– My fears were brought to life.

-My anxiety reached its maximum level.

But I was constantly reminded; God is still on His throne and still in control.

I did not realize God was preparing me for what was to come. He was setting me up to overcome many things and to be a version of myself I never thought possible. He was leading me to be prepared for what He had in store. Through it all I was constantly reminded: God is still on His throne and still in control.

Many more blogs to come with stories and life lessons… but for now, I will remain grateful for it all.

“Perhaps you were born for such a time as this.” -Ester 4:14

Over the last several months, I have had multiple women reach out who are battling infertility. I took lots of time and have written multiple stories regarding this dreaded disease. I realized not many people are open when it comes to this battle. It is embarrassing, emotional, heartbreaking, time consuming, and a multitude of things wrapped up in one. But the biggest thing I have noticed is the lack of information and knowledge we as women receive regarding infertility. I am by no means a doctor and will never claim to be, but my own battle brought me to a whole different place in finding who I was and how to navigate the steps ahead.

This is a very vulnerable topic to discuss. But I have realized many women have faced or are facing this very same thing. Even if one person is given the slightest bit of hope… it will be worth sharing.

First off, to anyone reading this who has battled or currently battling infertility, know my heart and prayers are with you. It is one of the hardest roads to travel and answers are sometimes hard to find. My one major piece of advice is be your own advocate and keep the faith. God’s ultimate plan will prevail and your path will be a story in your book no one else can tell. I am a firm believer God answers the desires of our heart if we put our trust and faith in Him fully.

In 2014,Nick and I found out infertility was something we had to battle. I was so embarrassed and heartbroken. We had planned and wanted a family of our own from the day we met. I remember sitting in my car after our initial appointment begging God to help me understand His plan. Begging Him to show me why He chose us for this path. I cried the entire way home, numb with emotions, and not sure what the next step would entail.

I cannot begin to explain the amount of paperwork, information, medication options, tests, surgery suggestions that were thrown at me in the beginning. I was completely overwhelmed and decided I needed to take a step back to make sure I could physically and emotionally face the long road ahead… especially knowing in the end a child may not have been the outcome.

After months of research, doctor appointments, and testing, I finally found Dr. A. ( I will not put his complete name for privacy). He was literally God sent. I have never had a doctor more thorough or faithful. He was a breath of fresh air in the darkness. Dr. A never once in our journey lost faith or sight of Nick and I having a child naturally. He prayed with and for us and constantly made sure we had the most up to date and newest resolutions possible.

In January of 2015 it was decided surgery was the first step to our hopeful path. I agreed (very hesitantly) to have the surgery. I really struggled with the fact all the pain and suffering could still potentially end without a child. My faith was put to the test more times than I care to admit during this time. I am ashamed to admit how many times I questioned God and His path instead of trusting. The pain from the surgery in itself was enough to make anyone want to give up. My question over and over was ” Why am I putting myself through this without complete clarity of the outcome?” Once surgery was complete there was a short “trying period”. To which Nick and I failed. There was no sign of pregnancy or hope the surgery was successful. I cannot find the words adequate enough to explain my devastation. I fell into one of the darkest times of my life.

June 2016- Nick and I went to the most dreaded appointment of my life. We took my mom to have an extra set of ears because I was an emotional wreck. It was at that time I was told I would never physically be able to have children on my own. I would have to have help… more than just a medication. I remember sitting in the consult room after the doctor told us the information, being completely numb. I could not even find words to say what I wanted to do or what I wanted the next step to be. After what seemed like forever, Nick and I decided we would start the IVF process. However, we both agreed we would wait until we returned from our trip to Australia that was scheduled in October. Little did I know this was the first step of God’s test for me.

One month later I was sitting on my bathroom floor with 17 positive pregnancy tests, crying into the phone with my aunt that I thought I had something wrong with me because there was no way I was pregnant on my own. It was not possible. She reassured me that it could in fact be true, to stay calm, and not call my mom just yet! I was quickly reminded in that same phone conversation that “Faith even as small as a mustard seed was still faith.” I will never forget the prayer I prayed to God begging Him to let this be true and that all the pain and heartache was worth it for this moment.

I am here to tell you science can only go so far and then steps in God. Just because you are told something by a doctor does not mean it is the end all be all. God has the final say and He ultimately controls your path. Atticus, Ander, and Baby Ross are proof you can have completely healthy, natural pregnancies after battling infertility and failed treatments. My faith in God remains untouched after experiencing these three miracles He has blessed Nick and I with. Every positive pregnancy test has been a reminder that God is always in control and our faith has to go far beyond what we can see.

Every shot, medication, test, and appointment led me here. It led me to be the mother I always longed to be. Led me to find a group of women who battled the same things I did whom I will cherish for the rest of my life. Led me to speak in front of multiple people on a topic so vulnerable while allowing the raw emotions to show instead of hiding the hurt it caused. Led me to be thankful for every moment because at any time, my story could have had a much more devastating ending.

If you are walking down this very same path, know your time and answer is coming. Even if IVF is the path you have to take, know you can have completely natural pregnancies, multiple times following those treatments. Know the heartache and pain will all be worth the lesson and outcome of the process. It will not be easy. There will be days you want to give up and lose faith, but know God has your hand every step of the way and if you fully rely on Him , you will see the blessing through the entire process.

This is a shout out to all the women fighting a battle that most people will never understand.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37: 4